How the Human Mind works
It is very uncommon to notice if a person is Depressed. The human minds work differently in different circumstances pertaining to situations they prefer and the situations they do not. Fair Enough! Keeping all judgement apart the Depression is Real. Though in my personal case I did not experienced any post-partum depression but was exactly at the verge of. Reason being – it goes quite unnoticed in an empathetic society like us. We are the society and then we judge - as look what kind of society are we living in, It is the time to bring about a change and then we go back to where we actually belong - “the judgmental society”.
A person might not realize if they are Depressed – it can only be seen by an outsider who is watching the person, meeting them every-day, living with them. But even after noticing - do, they ever let that person know – “Look you need some help – Please consult a Psychiatrist- Trust me you will be fine soon”, there is nothing to be ashamed of. No, we do not. We refrain ourselves from helping them rather than we find it very easy to pass comments on them – “Looks like he/she is depressed – she has a weak mind – she must have got hurt on her head while she was young – she is unable to focus – oh why cannot she just be happy”? The questions are innumerable, infinite, and unanswered.
These questions are unending and so their answers are. We still do not take care of our health as we find it very shameful to discuss about our mental health. Belonging to a middle-class family background & getting only the exact requirements had led me to accept the fact to be vulnerable – trust me – No complaints of what I could not get – the best what my parents could afford I was provided with.
But still there was this thing missing which no one ever discussed due to lack of education OR to be very precise “Ignorance”. And We still do not -as we find it shameful enough. Minds are the most creative when we explore it to our utmost strength and minds are the most destructive when ignorance becomes a habit. The power to deal with ignorance and strive through are only with few individuals like me. When the power of ignorance takes upon your mind – people call it Depression or rather the society calls it Depression.
A mind can get affected at any point in time of your life. No matter how healthy or positive you have been throughout – there are few hormones who play their games when you do not want them to show up and with NO CONTROL over them.
Hormones Play a Big Role
Every Girl who became a Woman in her life knows the immense hormonal changes in her body when we nurture another human being inside us. These hormones include estrogen, progesterone, prolactin, renin, and many others. The batch of people belonging to this mother’s group will totally relate to mood swings, emotional outbreaks, anxiety, lack of sense of smell, and(or) taste, lack of empathy, feeling extremely void often. The journey is not easy and then adds up the word “post-partum”. This word was just as new to me as my pregnancy was.
My article is just to bring awareness about the mental health of a woman who just delivered a baby. Be kind to them, be caring, just be there for them. I know there are many women who does not get the amount of love they need during post-partum for their recovery. The focus is on the newborn child without even realizing that the mother is being neglected. We need some appreciation - that is it.
Lesser known facts about Origin of Post-Partum Depression
I want to share few examples where a woman is degraded everyday towards depression after delivering a baby.
A good mother is one who makes just the right amount of breastmilk for the baby.
A good mother is one who knows how to change a diaper the moment baby is born.
A good mother is one who knows how to massage the baby the moment baby is born.
A good mother is one who stands up straight and capable enough to feed our own child after the OT.
A good mother is one who never sleeps when her baby sleeps.
A good mother is one who should be able to calm her baby as soon as they cry.
A good mother is one who should not think of a better body after delivery.
A good mother is one who never leaves her 2 months old baby at home and goes for a parlor session for her relaxation.
A good mother is one who should keep ignoring that she is being judged each fricking second of her life.
Thus, if a woman qualifies the above-mentioned points, she can be awarded an Average Mother award – Still not the BEST!!!
Recipe for Best M.O.M.
Trust me my dear new mommies – There is no recipe for a Perfect M.O.M. – no one’s ever been a perfect one and can never be one. You are best the way you are. The way you handle little details for your child, the way you nurture them, the way you care for them is all they need. This is the responsibility of a Mother. There are no measuring criteria for it. Trust me we all are doing a great job – some are managing entire household chores along with their child, some are managing office and home and child. Each task a M.O.M does is worth applause.
But Many of us still has a lot more struggles where you get to listen as how irresponsible of you as being a mother, Oh she is not feeding her child properly , Oh she only focuses on her career and her life and it is endless– Hurtful isn’t it? YES, it is.
We will be judged by people surrounding us, but we should never let the spark within us stoop low. If We stoop low our child’s future will stoop low too. And we do not want that to happen. If you are in this situation, and or have faced this situation ever – please maintain distance from them and choose your own happy space in your child’s arms. Do Not let your aspirations go in vain – you are still a worthy human being who deserves every happiness in life.
Stress- Release:
1) If you get furious sometimes due to any personal / professional reasons – try not showing the anger in front of your child. This will shape their behavior too. As per my study on child psychology a child’s footprints are based upon the environment of the house. No matter how unhappy you may be – still show a smiling face to your child.
P.S. - I Am still working on it and I have shown my bad temperament to my child by shouting at him. Once done I get a disgusting feeling within myself for being so aloud for my incompetence and making my child the target for no reason. I am sure I will get rid of it soon.
2) Speak to your child about your problems and difficulties that you are facing, just talk to them – regardless of their age – this will help you bond better and even the child will have faith in you. The more you let your problems out the more peaceful you will be.
P.S.- I do it
3) Speak to your partner about your difficulties and if he understands and supports you – Trust me – you are one Lucky Girl. And in case if he does not -you are still lucky as you are confiding in your child already.
The Sad Reality even in the 21st Century
Recently there was a case where an Indian origin woman from California committed suicide after 3 months post-partum and the reason were constant taunts and complaints by her in-laws and her husband for unable to make enough breast milk. The woman did not get any time for happy hormones to produce breast milk. A post-partum body needs happy hormones called Prolactin to stimulate breast milk for the baby. In the absence of a happy environment a human brain will never stimulate its production thus blaming the mother of the baby. This is how our Indian society is. We are never prepared to support each other when we need but are always ready to criticize and pull others down.
We will be criticized for the way we raise our child.
We will be criticized for the food we make them eat.
We will be criticized for the behavior we commission into them.
We will be criticized for everything we do as if we are not supposed to make mistakes.
It is always OK to make mistakes when raising your child. The more mistakes we make, the more knowledge we conquer.
Mantra for post-partum recovery:
a) Look after your mental recovery on priority.
b) Look after your health issues.
c) Look after your vaginal cuts / C-section stitches.
d) Look after your breast soreness. Use a good nipple soothing cream.
e) Use a breast pump in case you do not produce enough breastmilk initially due to affects of strong prescribed tables.
f) Look after your diet – have protein rich foods, green leafy veggies, take vitamin supplements.
g) Drink plenty of water.
h) Drink fenugreek tea, carom seeds tea – they supplement your breastmilk.
i) Eat papaya, sago, cracked wheat khichdi in any form you like.
j) Sleep when you are tired / especially sleep when your baby sleeps – this helps in better bonding
k) Practice your favorite art form – music, literature, paintings.
l) Do some sort of light physical activity, walking, cooking, etc.
m) Watch Tom & Jerry when you feel negative.
n) Do Gardening.
o) Do Baking – the colors used in frosting are extremely soothing for our minds. Practice with different colors.
p) Practice Mandala art for regaining the lost direction and focus.
q) Chat with your best friends.
r) Do family video calls.
s) Confront the people who taunts you/ pass judgement about you – throw them out of your life. Trust me – throw them away.
t) Take care of your outer beauty as well - take care of your nails, hairs, apply face masks regularly, massage your face to uplift them from any form of stress.
Self-Care is never Selfish. I strongly recommend self-care as a way to safeguard yourself from the trauma/love less life we are burdened to live with. This is the magic mantra.Do not forget the person you were before you became a Mother.
Being a Mother is the greatest boon of all times. Let us focus on our well being too as we dive into the journey of MOTHERHOOD.
I hope this article is useful to many moms out there. Please CONCENTRATE on your well – being. You are as important as your Child is!
Thank you Mummy and Papa for taking care of me in the most beautiful and difficult phase of my life.
Thank You for so much Love, My Dear Readers.
Richa Anand (Wonderful Mother to a 26-months old baby boy named Siddhartha)
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