My journey to motherhood

Being passionate about my microbiologist career whose first priority was only work, never ever thought that priorities will change after the birth of my first child. And I am happy whatever I chose, but this journey as a new mother was not so easy. Learnt a lot and still learning, becoming mature day by day, multitasking, became patient and the list goes on. Thanks to my stars that I was surrounded by lovely people, my Ob-Gyn, hubby, family, my cook, house help and my neighbor. It was a smooth pregnancy and was enjoying it.

I will split this whole thing in 3 phases- 

1. Getting pregnant 

2. Pregnancy 

3. After birth

1.Getting pregnant- After enjoying married life for 5 years, we thought of family planning. We were anxious about the positive news. At last I got pregnant. Yayy!

2. Pregnancy- When we came to know about the long awaited good news, me and hubby were on cloud nine. We both enjoyed full fledged this period. He pampered and took care of me like a kid and I enjoyed it. Attended prenatal classes (definitely will suggest this to all), started doing Lamaze breathing exercises, yoga, meditation from second trimester under a certified trainer, read maternity books, joined mommy groups, listened music every morning with a cup of tea. All these helped me very much to prepare for  my post delivery. I must say this was the best phase. Because we got our Us time also.

3. After birth- One fine morning during 37th week of pregnancy (gestational age), my water broke. I was rushed to hospital after consulting my gynae. In the mid morning I delivered a beautiful baby. It was the best feeling of my life. Pain due C-section stitches, struggling to breastfeed, all these issues vanishes whenever I see my baby. Now the challenges started like taking care of the baby’s needs, my own emotional condition due to hormonal imbalance, health, relationship with the partner, household work, thinking to continue my job or take a break and so on. When my mom went to her home after living and helping us for 2 months I was feeling all alone and helpless. Me and hubby couldn’t able to manage everything. When he was in office, baby did not want to get down from my lap and had to hold him whole day. I cried for petty things. Initial months were very tough to manage. Gradually we as a parent became more patient, mature and calm. 

Two things will suggest for expecting parents -

1. Attend prenatal classes if not possible then read books/websites related to childcare, breastfeeding, ppd, parenting and join mommy groups. It will definitely help new parents to be ready.

2. Support-Informational and emotional support is very important. Lack of support can lead to depression. Mothers can get social support through informal networks of friends and family, or, they can experience support through more formal channels, such as psychotherapy. Emotional support from the partner is crucial.  It is very important that you are surrounded by positive and caring people especially during pregnancy and after birth.

We can approach below professionals if we face any challenges-

Lactation counsellor/consultant- Many new mothers do not know whom to approach for breastmilk or breastfeeding related issues. They can take help from a lactation counsellor/consultant.

Therapist- Most of us slip into depression, and don’t know whom to talk with, or we feel uncomfortable to share due to societal talks. Identify the signs of postpartum depression and immediately take help from your doctor/ psychotherapist. 

Trainer- It is hard to get time for us but exercise also helps to engage ourselves. It is a great stress reliever and keeps us fit. Before starting randomly, first get a green signal from your gynae then start doing yoga, meditation, exercise under a trainer.

After becoming a parent, I realized we all can manage everything and anything.

Priyanka Majumdar  (Marvelous Mom of Two Adorable Kids)

Priyanka's Facebook

Discipline your Toddler the Right Way

Discipline is a way of life. It’s management of our behaviour. Discipline is one of the ways of teaching your toddler kid to follow certain life rules which leads to follow a particular code of conduct and be systematic in life. Good mannerism, humble behaviour and conduct are few positive outcomes of discipline in kids, which helps them in preventing behavioural issues in future.

Discipline is a great way to impart knowledge and skills by the process of teaching. It’s well taught at home by parents, and then they learn from their teachers at school.

Parents must understand that there’s a thin line between loving and pampering. It’s an important trait, which to be taken care of, and lovingly nurtured.

As a parent, there are several questions that pop up in our minds like:

How to teach self-control/discipline? Do kids require a particular set of rules to abide by? Is there any method a child should learn, what are the lines which are not to be crossed, where to stop and when? Why kids throw tantrums, and how to deal with it?

Toddlerhood in particular, is the age in which kids try to be independent and loves to discover themselves as individuals, but at the same time, they still have a limited ability to communicate. Toddlers do imitate their parents or people around them and they literally wait to check for their reactions of their deeds, and look out for validations. By doing this, your kid will learn few new things and unlearn few. That will get imprinted in their curious little minds, that helps in asserting themselves to a greater extent.

The disciplinary action for different age group is different. Setting up disciplinary consequence is crucial but at the same time, discipline with love and caution, otherwise it may backfire.

As per experts, use of Time Out, Rewards & Co-counselling techniques can be used effectively in achieving the desired goals.

 

Why Indiscipline:

• Fear give rise to Indiscipline
• Sense of insecurity or unsafe feel
• Family disturbance or bad behaviour
• Bullying by peers
• The inability to express themselves
• Excessive pampering
• Lack of involvement of parents

 

Important techniques to teach discipline to your kids:

 ·         Set an example : As you ask your baby to do something, and you yourself not practicing the same, it doesn’t makes any sense. You need to do it yourself first, to help your kid understand it in a better way and then they tend to sink in into it. A parent is always been the torch bearer, who will lead from the front, paving way for the kid, which motivates kids to understand and perform it.

·         Be a good listener: Being a good listener to your kids, will do absolute wonders for both. Kids need undivided attention. Listening to them will help them open up in front of you.

 

·         Never say no to your kids: Instantly saying no to anything or everything to them might distant the relationship and affect the bonding. Also might irate and disturb them big time, which will lead to disagreement in them.

 

·         Ask for help: Asking your kid to help you in your work is no bad. This will make them feel important and would help in long run. For example, you can involve your kids in sorting their own toys after play.

 

·         Know when to end discussions: At times kids do show tantrums. While conversing or interacting, it’s important to cut it short, and to know when to stop the topic or divert it to something else. For example, at home if your kid wishes to play with a certain object which is really sharp and can hurt them. And they are in no mood to detach it from them, at that moment either you as a parent have to be a very good storyteller to divert their mind from that object to other things or you can give them something else to hold, which is safe for them.

 

·         Be Empathetic: Be like a kid, with a kid. Magic mantra to be at a win –win situation. Don’t you feel so? No kid is arrogant, anguish, intolerant without any reason. There must be a reason. As a parent you need to figure it out by being getting into their shoes. Try to connect emotionally with your kid as he might not able to express them completely, and that probably be the reason to show tantrums or being indiscipline. It’s very important to understand their mind, and what they want to tell or communicate with you, may be with their expressions or by their behaviour. Instead of angering or losing it on them, which seem difficult for a parent to hold, but being matured from kids, you need to be patient and hearing. Never react to kids negatively. It might have an adverse effect.

 

·         Be Respectful: Show respect to your kids. They will learn from your behaviour towards them and accordingly reciprocate. As parent, you lead, but at the same time not authoritative to them. Best way is take them along, to make feel closer to you and accepted. Give them a choice, which will show that you respect your toddler and recognize their feelings.

 

·          Punishment to kids is a strict no-no scenario.

 

·         Develop Self Control: Kids focus on one thing at a time, their mind processing is not as developed like an adult’s. They take little more time to process. That is why; change of their mind-set is not easy. Their logical quotient is not much developed, so self-realization is less. Mostly children lack impulse control at their initial ages. Self-control grip in them comes gradually, with the development of pre frontal cortex, and it increases with age. With time and age, your kid will develop better sense of reasoning, logic, judgement and focus too. To increase their impulse control system, you can buy Toys with impulse control, which will help them to understand and reactive to it. For instance, Ex – Traffic Signal. The traffic post with Red, Green, Yellow signals will help them to depict when to stop, when to get ready and when finally to move. This will surely strengthen their Impulse Control System.

 

·         Create a happy place/Safe zone: It’s important to make them feel safe and secured. If your kid is happy, then undoubtedly they will focus, take interest, learn, be creative, try to make decisions, choose, become smarter and in this process learn more and better.

In Anxiety / Stress zone, kids in this zone don’t feel safe, secure, wanted and loved. This is not the zone for your precious one.

 

·         Appreciate: Appreciate them for everything good they do. That will encourage them to keep doing good things, as they now know which all things are being appreciated. So, for doing good practices, kids got to be disciplined, which they will become eventually practicing.

Please note, at the same time its mandatory to correct their bad behaviour.

 

·         How to Behave?

No doubt, this will take time but it’s needed to shape up your toddler kid’s future. Help your kid learn the effective and healthy discipline strategies.

 

·         Help them Explore: All kids want to explore the world. Especially the toddlers, who have just recently got super active, out from their shell. But also figure out what all are safe for them and what all are unsafe. Speak to them and make them understand.

Example: No touch (Fire), Hot touch (Hot milk), Cold touch (Ice-cream) etc.

 

·         Set limits: It’s crucial to set limits to discipline your kid. This will also help them self-control. You can also set boundaries for them by keeping things out of their reach for a while.

For Instance, watching TV, it’s advisable to parents to set time limit for their kids while they watch their favorite series. Both will be equally happy.

 

·         Be Consistent: Consistency will build up a routine life, and that’s the essence of a disciplined life. Right time for taking nap, food, bathe, brush, stroll, and play makes a kid accustomed to daily routine life.

 

·         Avoid Stressful Situations: Avoid disturbing state of your kid. For example, do travelling to places as per their convenience. If they have vomiting tendencies or if get uneasy during traveling, then avoid such long distance travel with your kid, at least till the age they overcome it.

Another instance, please do take care of your kid when they feel or sleepy especially when you are out of home. It’s advisable to bring them to home as soon as possible to make them comfortable.

 

·         TIME OUT: You must have heard this terminology “Time Out” a lot of times. It’s a way to give your toddler baby a break of a minute or two, not more than that. This is to calm them and get themselves back in control.

Never choose a dark, secluded place; instead you can create a cosy place where they will be safe. This will create a positive impact on them, as they know, they are not appreciated for the act, for which they are here.

 

Perks of being a Disciplined Toddler

 

·         Self-Control & Increased focus

·         Good Behaviour & Mannerism

·         Empathetic towards others

·         Becomes expressive and communicate properly

·         Teaches them to accept instructions

·         Give respect to Authority

·         Became accountable

·         Finally a happy and loving kid

Amrita Priyadarshini (Mom of a super active Toddler & Entrepreneur)

Amrita's Facebook

Do watch and Subscribe Little Jiggy's Youtube Channel 

Please share your feedback below. Do mention in comment how did you like it, or any topic that you want me to write on next. Thanks for your valuable time. 

Is your Kid getting Bullied?

Thinking of your kid being bullied? That would be a nightmare!!

It runs chills, heart skips a bit, disturbing thoughts crosses our mind, when we even think of our little one being bullied. The day your child moves out of house, for education, or for any other activity, that would be beyond your control. Your kids mind is like white paper, whatever good or bad, gets imprinted on them very easily and that may impact their mind in long run.

A parent’s heart gets pierced completely when they see their kids getting bullied or victimized, without any fault of theirs. As a parent, to solve the problem, it’s crucial to know the problem to understand the whole cause and the way out to help your child.

Who are Bullies? How bullies are born? Are they really born bully or they are raised? Why they bully? Why older kids bully or target younger or vulnerable kids? Are they themselves got bullied in their childhood? What is its impact on your kids mind and health? 

All these questions even raise further more questions. A learned behavior that is used in response to stress is an attempt to gain superiority or control/bossism over another.

Most often manifested in empty classrooms, washrooms, or on the play grounds.

Low self-esteem is one of the prime reason, which ignites them, turning to bullies. Pattern is repeatedly/deliberately humiliating- who are smaller, weaker, younger or more vulnerable than the bully. Include verbal/nonverbal attacks precisely.

The Stimuli’s:

1.       Home Atmosphere: As per studies, the problem take its root most often at home.

It has major impact on the child’s mind; this impact is on both the bully as well as the victim. Aggressive or brutal behavior of family members can creates a negative feel for the kid. The Bully’s behavior somehow being able to capture a major portion of the victim’s brain. One of the most important facts is that a family’s interactions within themselves and with the child have a major or definite bearing on how your child will react or interact with his peers or with the ones he/she comes in contact with.

2.       Excessive Protectiveness:

It’s one of the encouraging factors which are detrimental to a child. Unknowingly as a parent, the over protectiveness gestures makes the child more vulnerable. They get exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. They are not able to see, feel, react to things around them, as they are not allowed to do it. This hinders their interpersonal skills to a greater extent, and their capabilities are shadowed. Interpersonal skills as in, the ability to initiate talks with peers, elders.

3.       Comparison Syndrome:

It is one of the major stimuli’s which triggers. Nobody likes to get compared. Not even          us. Isn’t it? It brings in jealousy, hatred, anguish and what not. Parents, relatives doing          comparison with other’s son or daughter are the major instigator. It’s mostly noticed              parents intentionally or sometimes unknowingly compares their children with those of          others in their social circles or with their peers at schools/colleges. By doing this parents        do more bad, rather than doing good to their kids. It creates havoc in their lives. Kids            feels left out, alone, rejected, which results in their low self-esteem and ultimately they          start questioning themselves, doubting their own potential.

For every kid, their parents are everything, means everything to them. Their little world starts and ends with them. They are their pillars and ultimate resort. Without their support, child feels hopeless and depressed. So, that comparison, done by the parent, surely shakes up the child quite a lot. Kids are not matured enough to understand or decode the intensions of their parents, which may be done to motivate their kids.

 It’s advisable to never look at a child with disgrace and never ever humiliate them about their performance in anything. Rather always motivate them to come over and try again. 

Expert says, the mark sheets and other reports too put impact on the emotional and mental strain because of grade comparison.

Once or in few occasions if your child is continuously getting hurt, fearful, then there are chances he/she would prefer to be in their cocoon and become less interactive or interested to open up or show up their skills & talent, that will hinder their mental & physical being to a great extent.

4.       Past Memory /Incident: A boy/girl becomes a bully, may be they have faced the same during their early years and impacted them quite a lot that they do this to others in a revengeful manner. Another possibility may be, parents past could play a part in the child’s tendency to develop himself or herself into either a bully or a victim. Parents who been humiliated in their growing years, they tend to humiliate their own children and as they have got bullied themselves, they could be likely to be giving bad advices to their child. Bad advices as in to do the same with other kids, so that would heal them eventually. For instance, bad words like ‘go fight back’, ‘don’t be weak’, ‘you are no less’, ‘be a strong boy’ etc.

HEALERS : The healing techniques can be sharing instances from your own real life which your baby can correlate and connect well, getting life lessons. 

For Instance, telling your child your own struggle turned success story, that while you tried participating in Sports, some students mocked at you by saying, yours physical appearance doesn’t seem to be great, you look too weak to qualify even for the activity. Explain your kid, how you took that challenge very sportingly and positively, worked on it, performed your best and stood as a Champion.

Citing these instances will surely change your kids perspective towards the whole thing, boost their morale high and fill them up with a lot of self-confidence.

Sharing: Sharing is caring. By sharing in a way, you as a parent have been able to breeze the gap, quiet amazingly. Sharing is an important tool for a parent-child bonding. The best way a parent can help their kid to share their feelings, express themselves, putting forward their concerns, constraints.

Developing emotional bond : Developing emotional bond with your little one, at toddler level too will become the base, the much needed foundation for a healthy relationship, which will be like a proper frame work to his well-being as he/she grows up to be a gentleman/gentlewoman.

Read their unspoken words: Victims, or kids who have faced this, are terrified to a greater extent, because of whole incidence that has happened. If your kid is not comfortable in confronting or addressing this issue and prefers to remain silent, then there is a definite problem. Kids tends to react weirdly to certain circumstances like they may do bedwetting, getting annoyed/upset easily, no interest in attending school, self-cornering, irritation, lack of interest in doing anything, fearfulness etc. are some of the warning signals that shouldn’t be ignored.

Create happy Days: Break the ice! Surprise your baby by bringing his/her friends to home for play dates. That would help them in socializing.

Be alert and caring as a parent.

Fun Outing: Arrange fun outing for your baby. Outing, treks, visit to park, amusement places, picnics, outdoor playtime brings out the best in your kid. They socialize, mix, help, learn, and protect themselves by facing good or bad.

Common Symptoms:

Immature Social Skills: They lack social skills, prefer to be in their own zone. Like to stay aloof.

Lack of empathy or compassion: The feeling of empathy or compassion is not there in them. The bullies, without any hesitation harm the victim verbally or physically. They cannot feel the pain one would go through, so that’s make it easy for them to perform bad with others. Bullies find difficulty in understanding other feelings, unable to decode situations, so no empathy.

Poor impulse control:  They lack impulse control, it’s very poor.

Aggressive Channels: They like watching more aggressive, violent TV shows or Video games or content on TV or phone. That boost their energy to do more of bullying.

Quick Highlights: The R & R Tips

Reason & Relationship Building

Definite Reason behind bullying:

1-      Strained Parental Relationship

2-      Pressure from parents to win at any condition, Highly competitive mind-set

3-      Discipline Issues

4-      Stress of poor academic performances

5-      Unsupportive

6-      Physical abuse by Parents

7-      Victim of Bullies

 Tips for building Relationship:

Our children, may not succeed, fail, take poor choices, still be there to support and help them to stand and rebuild themselves.

      1.       Praise : Small or big, feel good everyday (as plants, need to be nurtured every day)

2.       Listen when they need to be heard

3.       Help them problem solve

4.       Avoid comparisons

5.       Teach Empathy

6.       Enjoy Special Occasions

7.       Talk often, even if they are not listening

8.       Decrease or stop violent content on TV/Phone

Best ways to deal with bullies: Googly for the Bullies!

1.       Walk away from them, stay positive, be confident, make friends

2.       Get help.

3.       As a parent look for signs: Less feel to socialize, hyper sensitive on specific topics, walk changes, hands in pockets, not feel like dressing up, self conscious, what others will think etc.

 Both Bully & victim need counselling, rather than punishment.

 Please read, share with other parents to spread this awareness and to help the future generation stay and stand strong.

 

Do share your feedback!