Is your Kid getting Bullied?

Thinking of your kid being bullied? That would be a nightmare!!

It runs chills, heart skips a bit, disturbing thoughts crosses our mind, when we even think of our little one being bullied. The day your child moves out of house, for education, or for any other activity, that would be beyond your control. Your kids mind is like white paper, whatever good or bad, gets imprinted on them very easily and that may impact their mind in long run.

A parent’s heart gets pierced completely when they see their kids getting bullied or victimized, without any fault of theirs. As a parent, to solve the problem, it’s crucial to know the problem to understand the whole cause and the way out to help your child.

Who are Bullies? How bullies are born? Are they really born bully or they are raised? Why they bully? Why older kids bully or target younger or vulnerable kids? Are they themselves got bullied in their childhood? What is its impact on your kids mind and health? 

All these questions even raise further more questions. A learned behavior that is used in response to stress is an attempt to gain superiority or control/bossism over another.

Most often manifested in empty classrooms, washrooms, or on the play grounds.

Low self-esteem is one of the prime reason, which ignites them, turning to bullies. Pattern is repeatedly/deliberately humiliating- who are smaller, weaker, younger or more vulnerable than the bully. Include verbal/nonverbal attacks precisely.

The Stimuli’s:

1.       Home Atmosphere: As per studies, the problem take its root most often at home.

It has major impact on the child’s mind; this impact is on both the bully as well as the victim. Aggressive or brutal behavior of family members can creates a negative feel for the kid. The Bully’s behavior somehow being able to capture a major portion of the victim’s brain. One of the most important facts is that a family’s interactions within themselves and with the child have a major or definite bearing on how your child will react or interact with his peers or with the ones he/she comes in contact with.

2.       Excessive Protectiveness:

It’s one of the encouraging factors which are detrimental to a child. Unknowingly as a parent, the over protectiveness gestures makes the child more vulnerable. They get exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. They are not able to see, feel, react to things around them, as they are not allowed to do it. This hinders their interpersonal skills to a greater extent, and their capabilities are shadowed. Interpersonal skills as in, the ability to initiate talks with peers, elders.

3.       Comparison Syndrome:

It is one of the major stimuli’s which triggers. Nobody likes to get compared. Not even          us. Isn’t it? It brings in jealousy, hatred, anguish and what not. Parents, relatives doing          comparison with other’s son or daughter are the major instigator. It’s mostly noticed              parents intentionally or sometimes unknowingly compares their children with those of          others in their social circles or with their peers at schools/colleges. By doing this parents        do more bad, rather than doing good to their kids. It creates havoc in their lives. Kids            feels left out, alone, rejected, which results in their low self-esteem and ultimately they          start questioning themselves, doubting their own potential.

For every kid, their parents are everything, means everything to them. Their little world starts and ends with them. They are their pillars and ultimate resort. Without their support, child feels hopeless and depressed. So, that comparison, done by the parent, surely shakes up the child quite a lot. Kids are not matured enough to understand or decode the intensions of their parents, which may be done to motivate their kids.

 It’s advisable to never look at a child with disgrace and never ever humiliate them about their performance in anything. Rather always motivate them to come over and try again. 

Expert says, the mark sheets and other reports too put impact on the emotional and mental strain because of grade comparison.

Once or in few occasions if your child is continuously getting hurt, fearful, then there are chances he/she would prefer to be in their cocoon and become less interactive or interested to open up or show up their skills & talent, that will hinder their mental & physical being to a great extent.

4.       Past Memory /Incident: A boy/girl becomes a bully, may be they have faced the same during their early years and impacted them quite a lot that they do this to others in a revengeful manner. Another possibility may be, parents past could play a part in the child’s tendency to develop himself or herself into either a bully or a victim. Parents who been humiliated in their growing years, they tend to humiliate their own children and as they have got bullied themselves, they could be likely to be giving bad advices to their child. Bad advices as in to do the same with other kids, so that would heal them eventually. For instance, bad words like ‘go fight back’, ‘don’t be weak’, ‘you are no less’, ‘be a strong boy’ etc.

HEALERS : The healing techniques can be sharing instances from your own real life which your baby can correlate and connect well, getting life lessons. 

For Instance, telling your child your own struggle turned success story, that while you tried participating in Sports, some students mocked at you by saying, yours physical appearance doesn’t seem to be great, you look too weak to qualify even for the activity. Explain your kid, how you took that challenge very sportingly and positively, worked on it, performed your best and stood as a Champion.

Citing these instances will surely change your kids perspective towards the whole thing, boost their morale high and fill them up with a lot of self-confidence.

Sharing: Sharing is caring. By sharing in a way, you as a parent have been able to breeze the gap, quiet amazingly. Sharing is an important tool for a parent-child bonding. The best way a parent can help their kid to share their feelings, express themselves, putting forward their concerns, constraints.

Developing emotional bond : Developing emotional bond with your little one, at toddler level too will become the base, the much needed foundation for a healthy relationship, which will be like a proper frame work to his well-being as he/she grows up to be a gentleman/gentlewoman.

Read their unspoken words: Victims, or kids who have faced this, are terrified to a greater extent, because of whole incidence that has happened. If your kid is not comfortable in confronting or addressing this issue and prefers to remain silent, then there is a definite problem. Kids tends to react weirdly to certain circumstances like they may do bedwetting, getting annoyed/upset easily, no interest in attending school, self-cornering, irritation, lack of interest in doing anything, fearfulness etc. are some of the warning signals that shouldn’t be ignored.

Create happy Days: Break the ice! Surprise your baby by bringing his/her friends to home for play dates. That would help them in socializing.

Be alert and caring as a parent.

Fun Outing: Arrange fun outing for your baby. Outing, treks, visit to park, amusement places, picnics, outdoor playtime brings out the best in your kid. They socialize, mix, help, learn, and protect themselves by facing good or bad.

Common Symptoms:

Immature Social Skills: They lack social skills, prefer to be in their own zone. Like to stay aloof.

Lack of empathy or compassion: The feeling of empathy or compassion is not there in them. The bullies, without any hesitation harm the victim verbally or physically. They cannot feel the pain one would go through, so that’s make it easy for them to perform bad with others. Bullies find difficulty in understanding other feelings, unable to decode situations, so no empathy.

Poor impulse control:  They lack impulse control, it’s very poor.

Aggressive Channels: They like watching more aggressive, violent TV shows or Video games or content on TV or phone. That boost their energy to do more of bullying.

Quick Highlights: The R & R Tips

Reason & Relationship Building

Definite Reason behind bullying:

1-      Strained Parental Relationship

2-      Pressure from parents to win at any condition, Highly competitive mind-set

3-      Discipline Issues

4-      Stress of poor academic performances

5-      Unsupportive

6-      Physical abuse by Parents

7-      Victim of Bullies

 Tips for building Relationship:

Our children, may not succeed, fail, take poor choices, still be there to support and help them to stand and rebuild themselves.

      1.       Praise : Small or big, feel good everyday (as plants, need to be nurtured every day)

2.       Listen when they need to be heard

3.       Help them problem solve

4.       Avoid comparisons

5.       Teach Empathy

6.       Enjoy Special Occasions

7.       Talk often, even if they are not listening

8.       Decrease or stop violent content on TV/Phone

Best ways to deal with bullies: Googly for the Bullies!

1.       Walk away from them, stay positive, be confident, make friends

2.       Get help.

3.       As a parent look for signs: Less feel to socialize, hyper sensitive on specific topics, walk changes, hands in pockets, not feel like dressing up, self conscious, what others will think etc.

 Both Bully & victim need counselling, rather than punishment.

 Please read, share with other parents to spread this awareness and to help the future generation stay and stand strong.

 

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